A Note to Grown-Ups

     Divorce is the last resort, for good reason.  While I am personally familiar with listing the "positives," I think the split-up is never a sunny day at the beach for children - it's a cold and broken thing they have to deal with, whether they like it or not.

      Often I found myself at a loss when it came to making my daughters, then nine and 12, feel secure during the year of separation and first year after divorce.  Children cannot always be distracted with school or TV or games, and their minds start to ramble and rumble.  Their feelings start to take shape, to grow intense, and can become overwhelming.

      Parents must find ways to help their children through this.  A family therapist, minister, teacher or relative of often quite helpful to both adults and children.  To reassure and comfort the child of divorce, we grown-ups need all the help we can get, day by day, minute by minute.  I promise you that when you sit down with your child and read It's Okay, Ginger, enjoying the illustrations and dialogue together, you will have spent those minutes well.  You and your child will feel a little more comforted, a little more assured that things will be okay, even if it takes a while, and even if you need to turn the pages of this book a thousand times.

When you don't know what else to say, and your hugs are not enough, let my experience with children of divorce, and my daughter's little dog, Ginger, help you, at least for a bit.  For it is bit by bit, day by day, and month by month, that we heal and soothe the pains of divorce.  Let Ginger affirm the child's feelings and reassure them that no matter how much has changed, they are still very important and truly loved.

Barbara Bingham